


The Connor Project Gets An Upgrade

by The Connor Project Two-Point-Zero (AstridStarlight)



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor IS The Squip, Connor also has a squip, Evan gets a squip, Jared Kleinman Being an Asshole, Jared Kleinman Is Bad at Feelings, Jared Kleinman Tries, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Really guys, Suicide, sorry - Freeform, we'll get things from his pov later, yeah Connor still dies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2019-10-20 18:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17627660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstridStarlight/pseuds/The%20Connor%20Project%20Two-Point-Zero
Summary: What if Evan Hansen got a SQUIP? What if Connor Murphy were the person to give him the SQUIP? And Where does Jared get involved?(So this is actually going to be a comic/graphic novel and this is the written format)(And look! We have a Tumblr! https://www.tumblr.com/blog/theconnorproject2-0)





	1. It's A Grey Oblong Pill

Evan rubs his eyes as he looks back at the bright white computer screen, his letter should be finished printing any second now, the loud obnoxious noise had stopped so it should be done. He’s surprised when someone tapped him on the shoulder. This is yours, isn’t it?”

Evan turns around and looks up at the person speaking, “Excuse me, what?” he asks, before noticing who was talking to him. Connor Murphy, Zoe Murphy’s brother and guy who had pushed him in the hall earlier that day.

“You’re Evan Hansen, right? You printed this off?” Connor repeats, presenting the freshly printed off paper.

Evan feels a cold sweat starting to form at the nape of his neck, what kind of person takes something off the printer that wasn’t theirs on purpose? “Uh… yep, that’s me,” Evan says awkwardly but trying to play it cool, unsure of what else to do he scratches the back of his head. Connor’s eye goes to his cast.

“What happened to your arm?” he inquires, pointing.

Caught off guard, Evan looks at his hand. The situation had been so nerve-racking for him he’s completely forgotten about the cast. “Uhh…”

Connor snorts as Evan searched for an answer that wasn’t lame, “What did you do? Fall out of a tree?” Connor continues laughing and Evan laughs nervously with him. Realizing Evan actually fell from he a tree, he stops laughing. “Oh my God, that’s the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard,” he deadpanned.

Evan curls into himself, wanting very much to find an out to this conversation and get his letter back before Connor had a chance to look at it too hard. Connor, most likely sensing Evan’s discomfort he points to Evan’s cast again. “No one’s signed your cast yet.”

“Oh yeah, it’s nothing-“ Evan starts.

“I’ll sign it for you,” Connor offers, cutting Evan off.

“What?” Shocked, Evan gapes at Connor with his mouth open.

“I’ll sign it,” Connor says. “Then we can pretend that we have friends.” And with that, Connor reaches into his back and retrieves a marker. Evan’s too stunned to protest as Connor writs his name obnoxiously over the front half of the cast in all caps.

“Thaaaannks,” Evan mumbles, hoping that Connor would finally leave if he wasn’t provoked. Connor pauses, Evan presumes to admire his handy work, then tilts his head like he’s listening to something.

“Hey, you want something to help with your anxiety?” he suddenly announces, Evan didn’t think he could have been more caught off guard already.

“What?!” he begins to stammer.

“I have it too, don’t worry,” Connor waves his protests off. “I know what it looks like.”

At a loss for words the only think Evan can manage out is a weak “um…”. Despite Evan’s lack of response, Connor reaches into his bag against and produces what looks like a small grey pill, giving it to Evan.

“It’s called a SQUIP,” Connor explains. “It’s a micro super computer. Take it and it’ll help a lot, just do as it tells you to do. It activates with Mountain Dew.” Evan doesn’t say anything and looks between Connor and the pill. “Anyway, here’s your letter-“ Evan makes a move to take the letter back, but Connor spots something on the paper and starts reading. “Zoe? What do you care about my sister?”

“No, it’s a different Zoe-“ Evan tries to explain, still reaching for the letter.

“You did this on purpose, didn’t you?!” Connor accuses.

“Why would I-“ Evan was so confused, he just didn’t want to get pushed again and his letter back.

“You did it so I would find it and then nobody would believe that you’re a creepy pervert!” Connor yells.

“No, that’s not why I-“ Evan continued, he didn’t even know where Connor’s reasoning was coming from. Nothing he was saying made any sense. To Evan’s dismay, Connor shoves the letter into his pocket and stomps out of the room. Evan looks at the pill Connor left him and groans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so like you saw in the summary, this is in the process of becoming a comic/graphic novel. I am the script writer for said comic so that's why the story is so dialogue heavy, I'm transferring it over to story format. It's also why the chapters are so short (well I think the chapters are short), they're like scenes.  
> I hope you guys like this, I came up with the idea with a girl who I met on Will Roland's Instagram, and she' the artist behind this project.  
> I think what you'll find with this story is it really matches the plot of the musical and novel with the minor exception of Evan having a SQUIP. I'll be providing you with more information as things progress.  
> I don't know when the comic will be up, I have the easy job of just writing because I has not the drawing talent. We do have an official Tumblr where it'll eventually be posted, there are like a couple pictures sort of. It'll also contain updates on this.  
> I'd love to hear your feedback, I know the idea of Evan getting a SQUIP has kind of been floating around so it'd be awesome to know what you thought of how we're choosing to execute it. Thank you!


	2. Access Procedure Initiated

“You are so fucked,” Jared snickers, Evan gives his friend a desperate look through the computer camera.

“I know Jared,” Evan sighs looking up at his bedroom ceiling.

“Like royally fucked,” Jared continues, way too amused.

“I know Jared!” Evan exclaims, briefly looking back at his computer, at Jared.

“You should just tattoo “Fucked by Connor Murphy” on your forehead and it’d still be less embarrassing than whatever Connor probably has planned.” Jared says, even using his hands to space out the words.

Evan moans and buries his face in his hands. “What do you think he’s going to do with it?” he mumbles.

“Probably show it to everyone,” Jared shrugs. “That’s what I would do.”

Evan looks up but not directly at the camera. “He seemed pretty certain no one would believe I wrote it,” he points out hopefully.

“True,” Jared acknowledges. “Who writes sex letters to themselves? Not even I would have believed you’d do something like that until you told me.”

“It’s not a sex letter Jared!” Evan snaps exasperated.

“Sure, whatever you say acorn,” Jared says disbelievingly and snickering again.

Frustrated, Evan closes his laptop promptly ending the conversation. Jared was such a pain in the ass. He’s about to give up and go to bed when he spots the pill Connor gave to him sitting on the bedside table. He hadn’t even told Jared about the pill, mainly because he already knew what Jared would say (he could almost always predict to some manner what Jared would say). Curiosity getting the best of him, he walks downstairs and digs a can of Mountain Dew from the refrigerator before heading back upstairs.

“It activates with Mountain Dew” he could hear Connor’s voice echoing in his head. This was so stupid, if Jared knew what he was about to do, what he was even sort of believing from Connor, he’d undoubtedly laugh straight at Evan’s face (and Evan was pretty sure he would deserve it too). But Jared wasn’t there to laugh at him and talk him out of it by pointing out that it was totally just a prank and then go on and on about how it was ‘Murphy screwing with him’.

What if it was drugs? It might be drugs. It was probably drugs. Jared would say it was drugs.

Evan shrugs and opens the Mountain Dew. He takes the pill and swallows with a big gulp of soda.

Nothing.

He sighs. he should have listened to Jared who always seemed to haunt Evan’s mind and in some ways reason things out and keep Evan from taking things to the extreme. “I don’t even know what I was expecting,” he mumbles to himself. “Did I even believe that it would work? That a microcomputer could be shrunk down to the size of a pill and help my-”

Evan stops as his body gives a sudden jolt. It feels like he’s being electrocuted- it happens again and he cries out in pain, glad his mother wasn’t home to hear. The feeling gets stronger and more intense. He reaches blindly for something to grab support for but ends up falling to the floor. Lights flash before his eyes, what kind of drugs had Connor given to him? God, what kind of drugs had he taken? How was he going to explain this to his mom?

An unknown voice booms in Evan’s ear, the weird automated ones that sound natural but don’t produce organic language. “Calibration in process. Please excuse some mild discomfort.”

‘ _Mild?!_ ’ Evan thought as the electrocuting pains continue. Jared was going to laugh at him so hard for this, he didn’t know how he was going to live it down.

“Calibration complete,” the voice spoke again. “Access procedure initiated, Discomfort level may increase.”

Again?! Oh nonononononono, he couldn’t take any more of this.

“Accessing neural memory. Accessing muscle memory. Access procedure complete. Mark Hansen. Wlcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor. Your SQUIP.”

Evan barely even hears the last words of the voice, just recognizes his first name and passes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as you can see, Jared's pretty in character (i.e. a giant obnoxious asshole). I think I maybe place a bit too much a connection between him and Evan as far as slight dependency goes. Jared's complex, we'll end up getting his POV eventually. Jared's obnoxiousness is part of what makes his character so complex, because he's just so bad at the feelings. And the way I've written Evan and Jared's dynamic, Jared to some degree really does help Evan. Like Evan said, Jared often talks him down from stuff (even if he's being a jerk while does so).  
> Thoughts and opinions on Jared? It seems like you hate him or his this misunderstood puppy. Please no fighting, and if you disagree with me I'd love to know why. Thanks!


	3. Welcome To Your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor

When Evan woke up he didn’t expect Connor Murphy to be staring down at him skeptically with the most judgmental look on his face Evan had ever seen. “So this is what I have to work with, huh?” Connor says disappointed.

“What are you doing in my house?” Evan asks back dumbly.

Connor rolls his eyes, “How dumb are you? I’m your SQUIP.”

“My what?”

“SQUIP. Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor.” Connor states, Evan’s mind goes back to earlier that day in the computer lab. “It’s called a SQUIP. It’s a micro super computer. Take it and it’ll help a lot, just do as it tells you to do. It activates with Mountain Dew.” His eyes flash over to the can of Mountain Dew still sitting on his desk.

“It worked,” Evan mutters in disbelief.

“Well of course it worked,” Connor, or rather SQUIP-Connor appraises Evan. “You took me… You took me for little to no other reason than because some weird kid at you school gave me to you and you decided what could go wrong… you don’t really trust this person and apparently, he took a letter self-addressed for therapy and you fear he will use it against you… you have a crush on his sister… and I am appearing to you as him…” Evan hears the SQUIP mutter under his breath, “I’ve got my work cut out for me.”

“You’re supposed to help me with my anxiety,” Evan remembers.

“Yes, I have the ability to help with anxiety,” SQUIP-Connor confirms. “I provide you with responses and answers leaving your life as carefree as possible.”

“Cool…” Evan comments awkwardly. “Um, why do you look like Connor?”

“This… Connor Murphy…” the SQUIP begins to explain. “Seems to have great influence over you, my data shows that you would be most responsive of his mental projection.”

“You can appear as other people?” Evan questions.

“Yes,” the SQUIP nods, “which means that other people can’t see me. So from here on out, only think to me. Don’t speak out loud. I don’t think that will be too hard for you, though.”

“Who else could you be?” Evan presses, he didn’t like the idea of his SQUIP appearing as Connor Murphy.

“I have access to the worldwide web,” the SQUIP answers. “I can appear as anyone I have enough data on including people you know. My calculations show that you would also respond to: your mother, Jared Kleinman, Zoe Murphy” the SQUIP gives Evan another judgmental look, “Bob Ross,” Evan was really starting to regret taking the SQUIP with the amount of criticizing looks he was getting, “and… a pine tree.” By that point the SQUIP had to be making fun of him.

“Maybe you should appear as Jared, or my mom,” Evan suggests. “No wait, never mind, don’t do that. I don’t want either of them to come across me talking to them, well not them.”

“I just told you to think to me,” the SQUIP says.

“Yeah, I also don’t want to get them confused with you. I wonder what Jared would think of this. He’s into tech himself-”

“First order,” the SQUIP announces, “stop caring what Jared thinks. He doesn’t give you a second thought, stop giving him your third and fourth.”

“He’s kind of my only friend though,” Evan protests. “Our moms-”

“Anyone who treats you like Jared treats you is not your friend,” SQUIP-Connor (as Evan was now going to refer to him as) crosses his arms and regards Evan for a second thoughtfully. “You also wish to have actual friends and work up the courage to win the affection of Zoe Murphy. I can help with that.”

“Getting into a college would be good too,” Evan adds. “My mom’s kind of obsessed with all these scholarship essays. We don’t have a lot of money-“

“I have access to all of you memories,” SQUIP-Connor interrupts. “I know everything. No need to worry anymore. I can help with any and every goal. Calculating your goals and the rules that humans follow, low popularity and the affection of Zoe Murphy are the easiest to achieve.” SQUIP-Connor looks at the clock. “You have homework to finish up.”

“It was the first day of school today,” Evan says. “Nothing’s due for at least a week.”

“Procrastination give you anxiety,” SQUIP-Connor points out. “Best to do it now so you don’t have to worry about it. Besides, you have me now to give you the answer.”

“Isn't that cheating?” Evan asks timidly.

“Only if you let it bother you,” SQUIP-Connor shrugs. “Besides, I don’t have to give you the direct answer, just enough so you can copy it in your own words.”

Evan gives SQUIP-Connor an apprehensive look. “Alright, I’ll try you out, but I don’t want to become dependent upon you.”

SUIP-Connor grins in response. “That’s the spirit! You know, I think you might be the only teenager in existence that’s said no to a free pass on homework.”

“I’m not normal, you’re going to learn that real soon.” Evan mutters.

“Trust me, I’ve already discovered that tenfold,” SQUIP-Connor replies, making Evan bristle.

Evan sighs and gets up, digging a bottle of acetone out of his bathroom cabinet. He grabs a cotton ball and starts to try to wipe Connor’s enormous name off of his cast

“Stop,” SQUIP-Connor tells him. “You don’t want to do that.”

“Why not? Look at it, it’s huge,” Evan holds up his cast for SQUIP-Connor to look at. “I wouldn’t want anyone’s name on my cast like that.”

“Just don’t, you’ll be wasting your time.” SQUIP-Connor answers. “Now get to your homework.” Evan gives SQUIP-Connor another look but puts the bottle and cotton balls away and returns to his desk, fetching his homework from his bag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one was a little (a lot longer comparatively). I'm going to try to keep them at the same length which is ~670 words. Key word try.  
> We get a small introduction to the SQUIPs, I think the world in which Evan exists they're slightly more advanced than the one Jeremy took. Evan's is obviously nicer and hasn't shocked him yet. He actually gives some really good advice regarding Jared. Jared's an ass and doesn't treat Evan very nicely. I'm really proud of the line "He doesn’t give you a second thought, stop giving him your third and fourth" partially because it's clever but also because it's true.  
> Anyway, that's all from me, what do you guys think? Also, I have a good amount of the beginning of the script written so there are going to be a lot of quick updates before it gets to the point that I'm at. Thanks!


	4. Right Now You're Helpless (Helpless)

Evan wakes up the next morning and gets prepared for school, a little uneasy as SQUIP-Connor watches him.

“No, don’t go with that shirt,” SQUIP-Connor finally speaks as Evan gets dressed. “You and those striped shirts with your kakis look like a dork.”

“But This is what I always wear-“ Evan starts.

“Change,” SQUIP-Connor orders.

“Into what?” Evan demands.

SQUIP-Connor rolls his eyes and walks over to Evan’s closet. “Here,” SQUIP-Connor points to a light blue t-shirt and pair of dark jeans Evan had gotten for his birthday but never gotten around to wearing.

“That t-shirt makes me feel uncomfortable,” Evan says.

“It’s form fitting,” SQUIP-Connor replies. “Wear it with the jeans and it’ll make your eyes pop.”

Evan does as he’s told and examines himself in the mirror. If he stood with more confidence, he might even be considered conventionally attractive, which was a new thought.

“This makes me uncomfortable,” he repeats. “I’m going to get bullied.”

“Trust me,” SQUIP-Connor says rolling his eyes. “You’re going to be less bullied for that then what you were wearing.”

Evan bites his lip but doesn’t argue with Suip-Connor. He grabs his bag and leaves for school without breakfast

“Breakfast is important,” SQUIP-Connor informs.

“I don’t have time,” Evan mutters.

“Because you walk to school,” SQUIP-Connor points out.

“My mom has the car,” Evan replies.

“But you also choose not to drive, SQUIP-Connor observes, Evan doesn’t answer. “I guess that’s something else we’ll need to work towards.”

The rest of the walk is spent in silence and when Evan arrives to school he’s runs into Jared in the hallway.

“Yo acorn!” Jared greets. “Your life been ruined yet?”

“Ignore and keep walking,” SQUIP-Connor instructs.

“Um, no not that I know of,” Evan says, answering Jared and ignoring SQUIP-Connor. “Have you heard anything?”

“What part of ignore and keep-“

“Please,” Jared says, unknowingly talking over SQUIP-Connor. “If I had heard anything it would’ve been what I greeted you with.”

“Uh yeah, I guess so, thanks Jared,” Evan looks away.

“Thanks?” Jared asks confused.

“You know, for telling me?” Evan explains. “Or I guess offering to tell me.”

“Whatever Hansen,” Jared snorts. “See you around.”

“Again, what part of “ _ignore and keep walking_ ” did you not understand?” SQUIP-Connor demands agitatedly.

“Sorry, but I couldn’t just ignore Jared,” Evan mumbles.

“No talking to yourself,” SQUIP-Connor reminds. “And yes you could, it’s called _ignoring and continuing to walking_.”

“But you don’t get it-” Evan protests.

“I get it just fine,” SQUIP-Connor seeths.

“Then why won’t you let me talk-”

“He will do nothing but drag you down and be a distraction from your goals,” SQUIP-Connor says adamantly.

Evan gives up and walks to his class. The day passes and SQUIP-Connor guides Evan, “giving suggestions” on answers any dreaded time that he’s called upon during class. Despite SQUIP-Connor’s disapproving, Evan still sits with Jared at lunch, which eventually the AI drops.

Because Evan didn’t end up stammering his way through class school wasn’t downright hell like it normally was, though he didn’t see Zoe anywhere, even at lunch. Nor did he spot the real Connor Murphy, which Evan had been excepting to corner him in the hall with his letter.

Evan notices on the way home that SQUIP-Connor looked rather pleased with himself (themselves? itself?) which made Evan wonder why. He wasn’t of the opinion the AI had been too happy with him that day based off how much resentment was shown towards Jared, but Evan supposed that no run-in with Connor trumped everything. He still wanted to tell Jared about the SQUIP, if Jared would even believe him which he probably wouldn’t and there was no way now to give Jared the pill as proof. And he was definitely sure SQUIP-Connor would high disagree.

It was an adjustment, having the SQUIP. His eyes kept flickering over to the projection, specifically when it was talking, but no one paid enough attention to Evan to notice. They probably took it as him twitching anyway. It was odd but useful to have someone read his mind, at least when he was unsure about something (unless that something was about Jared). But the day had been better than it normally would have, maybe having the SQUIP wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More SQUIP interaction. Yeah Evan's SQUIP definitely seems nicer than Jeremy's. There's been absolutely no shocking at all and no optic nerve blocking of Jared (though it would have seemed far more appropriate). I guess it's closer to the book SQUIP at the moment, except really sassy and a little more commanding than suggestive.  
> Jared's slightly off-character as he really acted like he hated being seen with Evan (particularly in the novel when Evan asked to sit with him at lunch). But I'm really leaning on the musical so from that perspective we don't actually know how off character it is for Jared.  
> What do you guys think? Do you like a nicer SQUIP? Do you like a nicer Jared? Love to know. Thanks!


	5. But If You Take My Advice...

 

A couple of days later, still with no sign of either Murphy sibling, Evan is surprised when mildly terrified when he’s called into Principle Howard’s office. He pokes his head in, surprised to see a man and woman already seated and Principle Howard absent form his desk.

“I’m sorry, I can come back later-” Evan stutters awkwardly, quickly going to back out.

“No!” the lady quickly says standing. “Um, come on in. Principle Howard actually left so we could talk to you in private.” Evan awkwardly shuffles in, his eyes flickering to SQUIP-Connor who had situated himself in the corner.

“Come on, you should sit down for this.” The woman continues, Evan does so avoiding both of the couple’s gazes. “Connor would have wanted you to have this.”

“Have what?” Evan asks as the woman pull out a folded-up piece of paper form her purse and holds it out to him. He suddenly realizes what the paper is and looks towards SQUIP-Connor. “His last words? What, not that can’t be right-”

“Dear Evan Hansen,” the woman, Mrs. Murphy reads. “That’s you isn’t it?”

“No this is all some big mistake-” Evan tries to explain but is cut off by Mr. Murphy.

“He’s obviously in shock.”

“His best most dearest friend, Larry,” Mrs. Murphy looks at her husband with teary eyes and Evan feels a cold sweat start down the mid-center of his back.

“Cynthia, please leave him alone,” Larry Murphy sighs, obviously exasperated with his wife.

“Please, you don’t understand I wasn’t-” Evan didn’t know what to do.

“Larry, look at his cast!” Cynthia suddenly gasps, pointing to where Connor’s name was written in all caps. “Connor’s name, Connor signed his cast, see Larry!”

Evan blanches. “I can explain, this isn’t what it looks like-”

“Tell then you were his friend.”

Evan stops midsentence, staring at SQUIP-Connor before remembering the AI could only be seen or heard by him. Larry and Cynthia were looking at him, waiting for him to finish. ‘ _What?!_ ’

“Tell them you were his friend,” SQUIP-Connor repeats, “there’s no good way you could explain it otherwise. Tell them you were his friend, look at her face.”

Evan’s eyes, upon instruction, instinctively move from the corner to Cynthia Murphy’s face. Evan didn’t know how to feel about taking instructions from a holographic projection of her now dead son. “Yes,” he stammers out, hating the silence and needing to fill it. “Yes Connor signed my cast. This letter is addressed to me.” It wasn’t a lie.

“Connor, he was your friend?” Evan tires to answer her but just ends up nodding his head. “Please, come over for dinner.”

Evan can see his SQUIP out of his peripheral nodding. “O-Okay,” he agrees.

“Here, it’s our address and both our numbers in case you need to contact us.” Larry hands him on of Principle Howard’s cards he’d written on the back of. Evan takes it apprehensively.

“Thank you, I um, don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything,” SQUIP-Connor answers him. “Just nod and leave.”

Evan doesn’t even remember doing what he’s told and finds himself alone in the halls. He immediately turns to glare at his SQUIP. “You’re the one who told me not to wipe Connor’s name off, did you know about this?”

“I was aware of an outcome that might benefit you to have Connor name on your cast.”

“Did you know about Connor’s-” a though crosses Evan’s mind and he recoils from the projection. “Did you kill Connor?!”

“Of course I did not kill Connor Murphy,” the Connor Murphy lookalike retorts, returning Evan’s glare. “ And I told you to think to me, people will stare if they see you yelling at nothing in the halls.”

Evan seethes but stops talking out loud. ‘Then why did you tell me not to wipe Connor’s name off?!’

“I already told you, I was aware of an outcome that might be beneficial for you to keep Connor’s name. I did not know that at 7:48 that night, Connor Murphy would be found dead in the park, or an overdose.

“Alright, then what did you know?!” Evan demands, causing the SQUIP to sigh.

“I knew that Connor Murphy had been reported missing by his parents for the eighteenth time this year after he didn’t return from school by dinner. Head back to class so you can grab your stuff before the bell rings.”

Evan doesn’t blink for what had to be thirty seconds, he almost felt betrayed but did as he was told and walked back to class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update finally, sorry it took so long. I've also been a little busy lately.  
> We get a little more insight into the SQUIP, Evan's definitely being led more instead of doing things on his own accord.  
> Sorry if they dialogue feels off or weird or rushed, when you're trying to stick to a word limit things get... choppy I guess. Also I'm trying to make my own and not just use the script or the novel but I'm totally ripping from the script and novel. So yeah.  
> Anyway, there's going to be more interaction with Jared (the SQUIP really hates Jared).


	6. Can't Just Listen

Evan facetimes Jared as soon as he got back from school, despite his SQUIP’s protest, and told him everything. “He killed himself?!” Jared voice booms through the speaker. “Well that explains why he hasn’t shown up to school since the first day, or Zoe.”

“What am I going to do, Jared? They invited me over to dinner!” Evan didn’t really know why he was asking for Jared’s advice, it always ended in ridicule and Jared’s ideas weren’t always the best (they usually weren’t the best). It was more out of impulse and lack of other options that Evan coped by talking to Jared.

“Why did you tell them you were friends with him in the first place?” Jared asks incredulously. “Connor’s dead, he can’t kill you now for telling the truth about your weird sex letter.”

“I don’t understand why you’re consulting him when you have me.” SQUIP-Connor snips, partially mockingly over Evan’s exact thoughts and earning a small glare in return.

“The look on his mother’s face, Jared, she was so heartbroken. I couldn’t just… crush it.” Evan tries to explain, dismissing the supercomputer.

“She’s a grown woman, not your date to the prom.”

“I know but I…” Evan’s eyes flicker up to SQUIP-Connor, scowling at him over the monitor. He was so close to telling Jared, compulsively like everything else. “I just couldn’t do it.”

“Well now you definitely can’t tell them. You’re in too deep now.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?! I don’t know anything about Connor!” Regret continues to build in his stomach as Jared snickers at his panic.

“Again, why are you consulting him? You have me!” SQUIP-Connor demands as Evan continues to mostly ignore him- it- whatever.

“Look,” Jared starts to explain in the over animated gestures he used. Evan was pretty sure Jared wasn’t even aware he did them. “Whatever they say about Connor just nod your head and agree. Don’t contradict and _don’t make shit up_. It’s foolproof! My parents fall for it all the time, literally nothing they think of me is true.”

Surprisingly both SQUIP-Connor and Jared look satisfied with the answer. “That sounds rather depressing.” The AI muses, explaining the satisfaction.

Evan bites his lip as he considers Jared’s instructions. “Are you sure that’s going to work Jared?” It’s not like he could go through a whole conversation merely nodding his head.

“Of course it’ll work,” Jared waves him off, overconfident in his advice, “they’ll just fill in the rest with whatever they want. People want to be lied to.”

The satisfaction leaves SQUIP-Connor’s face. “Unfortunately, he’s not completely wrong.”

“Thanks Jared,” Evan sighs in relief, taking the begrudged SQUIP’s approval. Maybe this wouldn’t be one of Jared’s awful ideas.

“Remember, _don’t make shit up!_ ” Jared adds one last time before hanging up.

Evan closes his computer and sighs. He still really doesn’t know what he’s going to do about dinner with the Murphy’s, or Zoe more specifically. Even if he correctly enacts Jared’s plans it’d still find a way to go horribly wrong.

“Just do as I tell you, that _is_ why you took me, is it not?” Evan finally turns his attention back to the mental holographic projection. SQUIP-Connor’s voice tone had evened out to a more calm and monotonous level.

“I took you for anxiety! Not to lie to the Murphy’s!” Evan clarified, crossing his arms. The feeling of betrayal from earlier coming back.

“The situation is giving you anxiety and thus, listening to me to help you with it.” Evan groans, rubbing his face with his hands. The justification reminded him of Jared’s tactics without the condescending and snark. At least he could count on Jared to be honest and forward with him and not hide information or ulterior motives. “We both know you’re going to end up lying, so you can try to handle it yourself or I could do it for you.”

“…alright,” Evan relents but only because it was true, he was going to end up lying and it would be better coming from a not panicking source, “I’ll consider what you have to say.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? An update?! Yup! Sorry it took so long, that's how I work, I update after everyone loses hope. So more Jared and Jared's iconic lines plus a bit of my own analysis added. I mean, Jared's not wrong, people like to be lied to and his plan (though sounds horrible and obnoxious in true Jared form) is actually quite a good tactic ( you know I just realized that's tic-tac backwards and now I'm distracted). Anyway, next up dinner with the Murphys! Let's see how that goes!


	7. Have To Obey (Part 1)

Evan didn’t know how bad it would be at the Murphys but he never imagined it would be this. No one said a word as the ate, no one even really ate except for Mr. Murphy. SQUIP-Connor stood behind Zoe’s chair with crossed arms. The only reason Evan could come up with was to make it look like he was looking at her when he looked at the computer.

Evan also forgot how terribly awkward it with the holographic image of the now dead Connor Murphy only visible to him.

“So…” Cynthia tries to converse, “you and Connor were friends?”

Not expecting it, Evan stares at her blankly for a second before giving a jerking nod. He opened his mouth respond when Zoe beats him to it.

“He was a pretty bad friend then when he pushed you in the hallways the other day.” She says over her mother’s attempt to cut her off.

“He pushed you?!” Cynthia gasped.

“No-“ Evan begins to protest despite it being contradicting.

“It looked like he pushed you to me,” Zoe continued.

“I mean, he did,” Jared had been right about contradicting, “but it was my fault. You see I wanted to talk to him but he didn’t want to talk to me and I wouldn’t take the hint.”

“So he pushed you so hard you feel down.”

“Actually it was more of a nudge and I lost my balance and fell over.” Evan could feel a cold sweat starting down his back as there was a moment of silence, Zoe obviously did not believe him.

“So you were friends?” Cynthia asked again as if the previous conversation hadn’t happened.

Evan glances at SQUIP-Connor, doing his best to ignore Zoe’s hard expression, before giving small nod.

“So what did you do together?”

“I don’t get why we never knew about this friendship.” Larry Murphy finally spoke, if anything making the tension worse. “Connor knows we would’ve liked that he had a friend.”

“And I never saw you with Connor at school.” Zoe adds, Evan didn’t have to look at her to know she was staring at him hard.

“Well, uh, Connor was really self-conscious of our relationship, he didn’t want to be seen with me, which is why he- uh- he nudged me in the hall.” He could hear Jared’s voice in his mind ‘ _don’t make shit up_ ’. But Jared had never said what to do when you couldn’t just agree.

“Because you a nerd?” Zoe deadpans, earning another protest from her mother.

“I was going to say loser, but uh…”

“So then if Connor didn’t talk to you at school, how did you guys communicate?” she persists.

“Emails.”

“Emails!” Evan exclaims a little too loudly, immediately repeating the answer he was given without thinking.

“Emails?” He had to agree with Zoe about how stupid it sounded.

“Yes…” Evan looks over her shoulder towards the image of her brother but is provided no further help. “Yes… Connor had a secret email that we… emailed on.” He withers for sounding like Jared bullshitting his English papers.

“I told you he knew you read his emails Larry!” Evan’s caught off guard by Cynthia’s sudden outburst.

“I was trying to make sure he wasn’t involved in illegal activity.” Larry answers unapologetically.

“So you emailed?” Zoe says disbelievingly. “What else? Because this sounds like really weird pen pal buddies.”

Evan takes the excuse of her talking to look back at SQUIP-Connor, who points to the bowl of apples sitting uselessly in the middle of the table. “He… took me to the apples… place…” On second thought, this was worse than any bullshitting Jared had ever done.

“The apples place?” Zoe repeats.

“You’re hopeless,” the AI moans.

“Y-yes he did,” Evan decided the only thing left he could do was double down on what he’d already said.

“Oh he must mean the orchard!” Cynthia comes to his rescue. “Zoe do you remember going to the orchard when you were younger?”

“The orchard? I mean- yes! The orchard is… what… I… meant…” Jared seemed to be two-for-zero tonight.

“Why would Connor take you there?” Zoe cut through his bullshit.

“Wasn’t that place closed down years ago?” Larry asked, obliviously.

“You like trees.”

“I like trees!” Evan yet again repeats blindly what the supercomputer told him. Everyone turns to him and SQUIP-Connor face palms. “I mean um-”

“You worked as a park ranger this summer.”

“I worked as a park ranger this summer.”

“And Connor knew about it.”

“And Connor knew about it.”

“So he took you.” Evan opens his mouth to continue parroting when he realizes what he’s about to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup! This is going to be a two parter! I was looking at what I had written and it was way too long and I just split it in half and it fit!
> 
> Man, For Forever is going to sound really weird being transformed into dialogue. I always think it's done clunky and awkward (yes even in the novel) and my attempt is no exception.


	8. Have To Obey (Part 2)

“So he took me…” Evan continues uncertainly. He had no idea where the SQUIP was going with this and waits for the computer to continue but gets an exasperated look instead and a gesture for him to proceed on his own. “He took me to the orchard because I was a park ranger this summer and he knew about it so he took me to the orchard because he knew I liked trees.”

He feels stupid for rambling what he’d already said. Only Cynthia was looking at him, smiling as if picturing the two of them wondering around an overgrown orchard. Larry was still looking at his plate like he was contemplating the idea of Connor having a friend and Zoe was staring stubbornly at the bowl of apples, visually replaying his words in her head to nitpick them apart.

The scene must have been direly helpless because SQUIP-Connor spoke again. “One time you were at the orchard.”

Evan blinks surprised but no one is paying enough attention to notice. “One time we were at the orchard.” He repeats.

“You were talking about what you were going to do after school.”

“We were talking about what we were going to do after school.”

“You grabbed a snack.”

“We grabbed a snack.”

“Did he take you to the little ice-cream parlor on the way?” Cynthia interjects suddenly. “Larry what’s it called?”

Larry looks between them, a small smile forming on his lips. “A La Mode. Place had the best homemade hot fudge.”

“Did he take you to A La Mode?” Cynthia asks.

“Yes!” Evan eagerly says at the same time SQUIP-Connor says ‘No.’ “I mean-” he tries to backtrack.

“You only when there once, it was on that day, but you only went once. It was too expensive.” The computer quickly tells him.

 “I mean we only went once and it was a special treat just for that day.”

“So no one would probably remember that you’d been there.”

Evan realizes the AI was trying to cover possible witnesses and almost facepalms. “So-so I don’t think anyone would remember seeing us there.”

“But you did go?” Cynthia asks hopefully.

“It was a special treat,” SQUIP-Connor stresses.

“It was a special treat,” Evan nods.

“It _was_ expensive, but the fudge was worth it.” Larry agreed.

“What else did you do?” Cynthia beams.

“You talked,” SQUIP-Connor supplied.

“We talked,” Evan continued.

“You already said that,” Zoe grumbles, looking at Evan skeptically.

“That day was special,” the SQUIP-Connor adds.

“That day was special,” Evan insists, trying to sound convincing.

“What was so special about it?” Zoe mocks him.

“You decided to climb a tree,” SQUIP-Connor answers.

“We decided to climb a tree,” Evan says matter-of-factly.

“And you climbed too high.”

“And-,” Evan stops suddenly, slowly piecing together the gravity of SQUIP-Connor’s words.

“You climbed too high,” SQUIP-Connor presses.

‘ _I don’t want to do this,_ ’ Evan thinks to the holographic Murphy.

“Tell them. Tell them that’s how you broke your arm and Connor took you to the hospital. He even signed your cast.” The SQUIP spelled it out for him.

‘ ** _I don’t want to,_** ’ Evan tries to be firm.

“You’d finally have someone to come get you,” SQUIP-Connor reasons.

Evan takes a shaky breath. He didn’t want to admit how appealing it was. Larry, Cynthia, and even Zoe were looking at him intensely, waiting to hear what he said next. He needed to answer them…

“And I climbed to high,” Evan whispers, “and then I slipped and I just laid on the ground, numb, and I thought-” he closes his eyes to hold back tears. “I thought any second someone was going to come get me, any second now.”

“And then Connor came and got you.” Evan hadn’t expected the SQUIP to suddenly sound so calm and comforting. He opens his eyes, surprised, and manages to blink back tears.

“And then I see Connor running across the field to get me.” He can’t help but smile as he pictured Connor’s now familiar face nearing him and offering out a hand. “He came to get me.”

“He signed your cast,” Cynthia whispers, tears also in her eyes.

“Yeah…” Evan purses his lips and nods. He can see Zoe in his periphery scowling at the bowl of apples again, though from her posture she also looked like she was trying to hold back tears. “Yeah he did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What???? Another chapter so soon???? Since when????
> 
> Yup! Unexpected update, what do you think? Did I do For Forever any justice modifying it to straight dialogue? Was Evan repeating anything annoying? Like I said, this is a straight adaptation of a script and it probably looks better in picture form. I know it's really wasteful of word count. I don't think it'll be this bad again (we'll see).


	9. Wait Around For An Answer To Appear

As soon as Evan arrived back home, he raced to his room to facetime Jared and tell him everything. Jared, expectedly, starts obnoxiously laughing halfway though.

“You know they totally think you two were gay, right?” Jared asks sardonically.

“What?! No! How could they think- I never said anything-” Evan stutters.

“Can you not listen to him for once?” SQUIP-Connor demands irritably, just like Jared’s obnoxious laugh the computer expectedly hadn’t approved of him calling Jared. “I’ve taken into account everything and I have a plan to defer any possible suspicions-”

“They think I’m gay?!” Evan cuts him off.

“No shit, Sherlock,” Jared snorts, not that he would know who Evan was really talking to.

“Why would they think I’m gay?!” Evan cries slightly rhetorically.

“You were each other’s _bestest friends_ ,” Jared’s voice is fake and sappy, “but Connor didn’t want you to know about it-”

“Evan, your heartrate is going up-” SQUIP-Connor tries to talk over Jared.

“And when you tried to talk to Connor, he pushed you in the hall so that no one would even have the slightest suspicion that he even _tolerated_ you-”

“Your palms are sweating profusely; your anxiety is rising-”

 “You shared a whole summer together and he took you to this closed down apple orchard because he knew you liked trees-”

“I highly suggest you end this conversation immediately Evan-”

“Connor had a guy friend he hid from his family that he took to his favorite childhood place because secret-guy-friend liked trees, almost like he was trying to impress you-” Jared repeats and Evan started to make the connection.

“Seriously Evan, I told you I have everything planned out-” SQUIP-Connor protests.

“And you had secret emails-”

“Evan, you benefit nothing by continuing to listen to him-” if the AI could physically close the computer, Evan was sure it would.

“Which you used to send pictures of _your dicks_ to each other!” Jared snickers. Evan gives a whimpered groan and covers his face with his hands causing Jared to cackle. “It’s like textbook secret gay high school lovers.”

“What am I going to do?!” Evan moans, how could he have been so oblivious?!

“Would you hang up with him and relax?” SQUIP-Connor seethes, angry at being ignored over Jared. “I already told you I’ve accounted for everything and if you just do as I tell you-”

“I can do emails,” Jared unknowingly interrupts.

“What?” Evan asks, caught off guard.

Jared rolls his eyes. “You said you sent emails to them. They’re going to want to see them as proof, right? I can make fake emails for you.” Evan hadn’t even thought about that. Really, how stupid could he feel in one day?

“I can also make fake emails just easily,” SQUIP-Connor says indignantly.

“You just back track the date stamp on the account you’re using so the email reads that time,” they both say at the same time and SQUIP-Connor glares at Jared through the screen.

“Piece of cake.” Jared grins confidently. “But it’s going to cost you.”

“Cost me what?” Evan asks miserably.

“I’m not going to do this for free, obviously. Lucky for you, I’ll give you a discount. Twenty grand.”

“In dollars?!”

“I told you I can do the emails,” SQUIP-Connor hisses.

“Five-hundred,” Jared replies with fake cockiness.

“For free.” SQUIP-Connor adds.

“Jared!” Evan cries exasperated, still insistent on ignoring the angry image of Connor Murphy.

“Fine! Twenty bucks, but you’re a loser.” Jared pretends to bargain.

“Why do you interact with him?!” SQUIP-Connor complains.

“Thanks Jare-” Evan tries to thank him but Jared abruptly ends the conversation.

“Please!” the AI exclaims. “Answer me! Why do you continue to talk to him?!”

“He’s my friend-” Evan starts.

“He won’t even acknowledge you as a friend!” SQUIP-Connor points out.

“He’s my friend.” Evan repeats stubbornly, effectively ending the conversation. “He’s my only friend.” He says again, only to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contributes almost nothing except a setup to Sincerely, Me and to give more Jared, because I love Jared.  
> If Jared weren't such an asshole he'd actually be very helpful. In an odd way his jaded way of seeing things is the most realistic and helps bring Evan back to reality.  
> Also I really like SQUIP-Connor and Jared talking about the emails at the same time, that was funny to me.  
> Jared Kleinman is bad with feelings.  
> Oh! And the first DEH chapter title! Tell me how much you like it.


	10. Sincerely, Me

Evan meets Jared at the library so they could use the free wifi. Both his friend and his SQUIP give him annoyed looks as he paces the floor. Eventually he stops to look over Jared’s shoulder at the computer monitor.

 

**_Dear Evan Hansen,_ **

**_We’ve been much too out of touch. Things have been crazy, and it sucks how we don’t talk that much._ **

**_But I should tell you that I think of you each night ( <3_ ** **_)_ ** **_. I rub my nipples and start moaning in delight._ **

 

“What would possess you to write that?!” Evan exclaims horrified, glad they had grabbed a private room.

“I’m just trying to tell the truth,” Jared snickers, “these are you _gay_ emails, remember?”

This time Jared is the one being glared at by both human and computer. “We were just friends, Jared!” Evan began before shaking his head. “You know what, never mind. Move over, I’ll do it.”

 

**_I’ve got to tell you, life without you has been hard._ **

 

“Hard?” Jared asks sarcastically.

 

**_I’ve got to tell you, life without you has been bad._ **

 

“ _Bad_?”

 

**_I’ve got to tell you, life without you has been rough._ **

 

“Kinky!”

 

**_And that I miss talking about life, among other stuff._ **

 

“So specific, that’s just the most detailed letter I’ve ever seen.” Jared continues critiquing.

“I really can’t understand why you went to him after I told you that I could do these for you.” SQUIP-Connor grumbles.

“Shup up would you!” Evan tells it, though it applied nicely to Jared as well.

 

**_I like my parents_ **

 

“When would anyone ever say that?” Jared points out.

 

**_I love my parents, but each day’s another fight. If I stopped smoking drugs then maybe things might be alright._ **

 

“ _Smoking drugs_?  That is pathetic,” Jared says with false pity.

“Then just fix it!” Evan throws his hands up and lets Jared have the seat back.

 

**If I _stopped_ smoking crack**

 

“ _Crack_!” Evan cries exasperated and aghast. “Jared!”

“Fine,” Jared relents.

 

**_If I stopped smoking pot then everything might alright. I’ll take your advice, to try to be more nice! I’ll turn it around, wait and see!_ **

**_Because all that it takes is a little reinvention. It’s easy to change if you give it your attention._ **

**_All you’ve got to do, is just believe you can be who you want to be._ **

**_Sincerely,_ **

**_Me_ **

 

“Okay, we wrote the damn email. Are we finished now?” Jared groans.

“I can’t just give them one email, this won’t prove we were actually friends. And I’m not paying you twenty dollars for just one email.” Evan argues.

“Oh my God, fine!”

Evan rolls his eyes. “Just write down what I say. Dear Connor Murphy, Yes I also miss our talks. Stop doing drugs, just try to take deep breaths or go on walks.”

“God, no.”

“I’m sending pictures of the most amazing trees.”

“You’ve got a tree kink don’t you?” Jared wiggles his eyebrows but Evan ignores him.

“You’ll be obsessed with all my forest expertise.”

“I can’t believe you of all people have a weird sex kink for trees.” Jared continues.

“It’s not a kink! And it’s definitely not a sex kink!” Evan snaps, face going red. “Dude I’m proud of you, just keep pushing through. You’re turning around I can see! All that it takes is a little reinvention. It’ll be easy to change if you give it your attention. All you have to do, is just believe you can be whoever you want to be. Sincerely, Me.”

He looks over Jared’s shoulder again and sees the added line of ‘P.S. Your sister’s hot!’. “Jared!”

“You said you didn’t want to come off gay.” Jared un-seriously protests.

“Delete it!”

Jared seems to give up for the most part of trying to make the emails overly outrageous and they fall into a rhyme of writing one email after another. Evan can see SQUIP-Connor in his peripheral looking increasingly irritable as the rare cooperation from Jared continues.

 

**_Dear Evan Hansen,_ **

**_Thanks for every note that you send._ **

 

**_Dear Connor Murphy,_ **

**_I’m just glad to be your friend._ **

**_Our friendship goes beyond your average kind of bond. But not because we’re gay!!!! Just in the most heterosexual platonic way!!!!! The only man that I love is my dad._ **

**_Well anyway, you’re getting better every day (really getting better every day). Just keep getting better every day!_ **

**_Remember all that it takes is a little reinvention, it’s easy to change when you give it your attention. All you need to do, is just believe you can be who you want to be._ **

**_Sincerely (miss you dearly)_ **

 

“I thought you were trying to make this _not_ gay,” Jared drawls.

 

**_Sincerely,_ **

**_Me_ **

 

“Perfect! These are perfect!” Evan says, looking back over them one last time.

“They’d better be, because I’m not redoing any of them and this was totally worth more of my time than twenty bucks.”

Evan sighs at Jared’s antics. “Whatever, Jared. Just… thank you for doing this.”

Jared rolls his eyes, gets out of the chair, stretches, and leaves, letting the door close on Evan without a single word of goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So although this chapter might almost be 900 words, most of it's the song. I kind of cheated on this chapter.  
> Anyway, you know how people either leave the song in or try to edit it to sound "natural" (best example, the book). Well it sounds weird when you take the rhythm and rhyme out of it (because we all sing it in our head), so I edited the lyrics just to keep from straight up repeating but you could still sing it to the song without awkwardness. Do you like it any better?  
> Also, I made a mock up of the emails: https://theconnorproject2-0.tumblr.com/post/186961154626/mock-up-of-sincerely-me-emails-i-made (go follow us on Tumblr)


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